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Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings

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Confronting the overwhelming amount of stress kids face today, this invaluable guide offers coping strategies for facing the combined elements of academic performance, high achievement standards, media messages, peer pressure, and family tension. The handbook acknowledges that adolescents commonly survive stress by either indulging in unhealthy behaviors or giving up comple Confronting the overwhelming amount of stress kids face today, this invaluable guide offers coping strategies for facing the combined elements of academic performance, high achievement standards, media messages, peer pressure, and family tension. The handbook acknowledges that adolescents commonly survive stress by either indulging in unhealthy behaviors or giving up completely, and its suggested solutions are aimed at strengthening resilience. The proposed plan enables kids from the age of 18 months to 18 years to build the seven crucial “C’s”—competence, confidence, connection, character, contribution, coping, and control—needed to bounce back from challenges. A variety of approaches are featured such as building on natural strengths, fostering hope and optimism, avoiding risky behaviors, and taking care of oneself physically and emotionally. With new chapters on perfectionism, the negative portrayal of teens, military families, and what parents can do when resilience has reached its limits, this examination also includes two personalized guides for creating customized strategies.


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Confronting the overwhelming amount of stress kids face today, this invaluable guide offers coping strategies for facing the combined elements of academic performance, high achievement standards, media messages, peer pressure, and family tension. The handbook acknowledges that adolescents commonly survive stress by either indulging in unhealthy behaviors or giving up comple Confronting the overwhelming amount of stress kids face today, this invaluable guide offers coping strategies for facing the combined elements of academic performance, high achievement standards, media messages, peer pressure, and family tension. The handbook acknowledges that adolescents commonly survive stress by either indulging in unhealthy behaviors or giving up completely, and its suggested solutions are aimed at strengthening resilience. The proposed plan enables kids from the age of 18 months to 18 years to build the seven crucial “C’s”—competence, confidence, connection, character, contribution, coping, and control—needed to bounce back from challenges. A variety of approaches are featured such as building on natural strengths, fostering hope and optimism, avoiding risky behaviors, and taking care of oneself physically and emotionally. With new chapters on perfectionism, the negative portrayal of teens, military families, and what parents can do when resilience has reached its limits, this examination also includes two personalized guides for creating customized strategies.

30 review for Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Kids Roots and Wings

  1. 5 out of 5

    Kristin

    "If we want our children to experience the world as fully as possible-unfortunately with all its pain, and thankfully with all its joy-our goal will have to be resilience. Resilience is the capacity to rise above difficult circumstances, the trait that allows us to exist in this less-than-perfect world while moving forward with optimism and confidence even in the midst of adversity. Resilience is not invulnerability, not perfection, not isolation from all risk. Resilience is the trait that parent "If we want our children to experience the world as fully as possible-unfortunately with all its pain, and thankfully with all its joy-our goal will have to be resilience. Resilience is the capacity to rise above difficult circumstances, the trait that allows us to exist in this less-than-perfect world while moving forward with optimism and confidence even in the midst of adversity. Resilience is not invulnerability, not perfection, not isolation from all risk. Resilience is the trait that parents hope to develop in children so they will be equipped to navigate a stressful, complicated world while relishing its abundant pleasures. Resilience is not a trait of '"perfect"' people. Perfectionists fear making any mistakes. They perform well but don't take chances to perform their very best. Resilient people are more successful because they push their limits and learn from their mistakes. Resilience may be a core factor in determining not only who will adapt, but who will thrive."

  2. 5 out of 5

    Casey Brehm

    well, I personally could have done without the rape apologist and victim-blaming bullshit on page 99. just lost all respect for the author. I cannot finish this book.

  3. 5 out of 5

    Oliver

    Review for 2nd edition: For some reason, I thought this book was written for parents and teachers (the cover makes no such claim, but I guess I made the assumption based on the fact that the friend who I got it from is a teacher, and not a parent). The author says that the first edition was exclusively for parents, but in this one has a few points at which he addresses other groups, such as teachers, community programs, and even one chapter specifically to be read by children. Of course, there ar Review for 2nd edition: For some reason, I thought this book was written for parents and teachers (the cover makes no such claim, but I guess I made the assumption based on the fact that the friend who I got it from is a teacher, and not a parent). The author says that the first edition was exclusively for parents, but in this one has a few points at which he addresses other groups, such as teachers, community programs, and even one chapter specifically to be read by children. Of course, there are many parenting techniques that can be applied to teaching as well, and I might one day decide to have children, so the book wasn’t completely irrelative to me. I did skip over the parts for military families (pp. 161-190) and the “Just for Kids” chapter (pp. 357-372). I particularly liked the advice to give specific praise (e.g. “I’m so proud of you for wanting to try to ride your bicycle even after you fell” instead of just “I’m so proud of you!” or “Good job!”); making open-ended compliments about artwork (e.g. “This is a great picture! Can you tell me about it?” instead of guessing/assuming what they drew/sculpted/etc. and potentially being wrong); and first listening to the child’s whole explanation for why he/she is upset (instead of jumping in with comforts and/or solutions), and then further clarify the child’s story/emotions/reason for confiding in you (e.g. say something like “This is what I heard. Did I understand you correctly?”, “When something like that happened to me I felt like… Do you feel a little like that?”, “How can I be most helpful to you?”, or “How are you thinking about handling this?”). The 7 Crucial C’s (Competence, Confidence, Connection, Character, Contribution, Coping, and Control) are also a helpful way to break down considerations for discipline, enrolling in activities, encouragement, etc. and look at choices more specifically and intentionally. There were a lot of approaches I was already aware of, but I’m not sure if that’s because as an ESL teacher I have discussions about early childhood development more regularly. And perhaps I had exceptional parents, because what he calls “a typical parent lecture” (p. 83) — “…behavior A, will very likely lead to consequence B. What were you thinking? And then consequence B will go on to consequence C, which almost always ends up with D happening! Look at me when I’m talking to you!!! ….here comes consequence E … consequence F, G, of H will happen. No matter what, we’re talking disaster! You might even die!” — did not sound typical to me at all. His paraphrasing of a frustrated parent of a drug-user — “Maybe you’re not ready to quit drugs because you have no motivation. You’re too lazy. How can I trust you, even if you say you’re going to quit? You’re such a liar. You’re really shaming your mother and me,” (p.122) — sounded equally alien to me, but perhaps in Ken Ginsburg’s line of work he encounters parents like this more regularly. Overall, it didn’t feel very researched, except that he uses a lot of his personal experiences working in different schools and as a professor of pediatrics, and there were several described situations where he said the book couldn’t help and to consult a professional (which may be true and fair, but still sort of feels like a cop-out after the third, fourth, fifth time you say it). Books like this all tend to be a bit repetitive to some degree, but this one felt more so (in some places he gives summarizing bullets at the beginning and at the end of the chapter, or again in a later chapter), and just felt a little long for what I got from it. But of all the insight offered, I think the best one (and, ironically, probably the most common-sense), is that building resilience with a child starts with building (and therefore modeling) resilience in the parent (or teacher). Before you can expect the child to employ good coping habits, avoid negative influences, not get defeated when they initially fail at something, etc.; there needs to be one or more adults in his/her life that demonstrate these things. Although the book is a little dry and boring at times, I’d still say it’s a useful reference for anyone who wants some more insight on raising a child who is more likely to succeed at life (for a definition of succeeding at life, see chapter 8).

  4. 5 out of 5

    Mae

    As a parent of tweens, I've found it hard to find good books regarding older children but this was a great find. It's a tad bit dry in the writing (which is why it took me so long to get through it) but the content was excellent. I love the 7 C's (competence, confidence, connection, character, contribution, coping, and control) and would add compassion to that. Probably one of the best takeaways from it is "children live up or down to our expectations of them." Highly recommend! As a parent of tweens, I've found it hard to find good books regarding older children but this was a great find. It's a tad bit dry in the writing (which is why it took me so long to get through it) but the content was excellent. I love the 7 C's (competence, confidence, connection, character, contribution, coping, and control) and would add compassion to that. Probably one of the best takeaways from it is "children live up or down to our expectations of them." Highly recommend!

  5. 5 out of 5

    Ray Andrus

    This was a great audiobook. I was a little apprehensive listening to this type of book, but it was refreshing. I want the physical copy now so I can go back through with a highlighter and sticky notes as well as having quick references to the valuable links mentioned. A great book for a parent, educator, or anyone interacting with children and teens.

  6. 4 out of 5

    Tim Larsen

    This book is a wealth of information for parents and anyone who works with kids. I’ve read a lot about ACEs and trauma but wanted some concrete things that could help kids overcome negative things. The 7 C’s of resilience are helpful it not only for this but all kids.

  7. 5 out of 5

    Celine

    A bit dry to read but has a lot of good input. Not just for raising kids but also to reflect on ones own life. I liked that it spans from toddler to teenager with easy to implement frameworks and approaches

  8. 4 out of 5

    Jason & Deanna Shaw

    Required I was required to read this book for my Masters program. I found it informative, but rather repetitive. Having already raised my kids, it didn't provide me with much benefit. Required I was required to read this book for my Masters program. I found it informative, but rather repetitive. Having already raised my kids, it didn't provide me with much benefit.

  9. 4 out of 5

    Karen

    Must read for parents and I will be purchasing a copy for family reference and reinforcement. Direct, clear, helpful information.

  10. 5 out of 5

    Karen (Living Unabridged)

    Comprehensive, with guidance for parents, teachers, and anyone who works with teens (and children to some extent). As a Christian trying to unpack all the parenting advice I've read (I suppose you might say I'm "deconstructing" from bad Christian advice), I found this a refreshing perspective. It's not coercive, it's not manipulative, and it doesn't promise quick fixes. Comprehensive, with guidance for parents, teachers, and anyone who works with teens (and children to some extent). As a Christian trying to unpack all the parenting advice I've read (I suppose you might say I'm "deconstructing" from bad Christian advice), I found this a refreshing perspective. It's not coercive, it's not manipulative, and it doesn't promise quick fixes.

  11. 4 out of 5

    Tiffany

    Helpful information and good to have on hand for reference even though I skimmed through many parts.

  12. 4 out of 5

    JC

    Read this book for work and found all kinds of great little nuggets in it. This is definitely a book that I'll be coming back to after my little one is born. Lots of great examples of how to improve conversations with children and youth to really make them think and answer their own questions. I've actually already started to implement some of the techniques I learned here with people I interact with - trying to be a better listener and asking better questions. Must read for parents. Read this book for work and found all kinds of great little nuggets in it. This is definitely a book that I'll be coming back to after my little one is born. Lots of great examples of how to improve conversations with children and youth to really make them think and answer their own questions. I've actually already started to implement some of the techniques I learned here with people I interact with - trying to be a better listener and asking better questions. Must read for parents.

  13. 5 out of 5

    Jenn

    This book is loong, and it took me a while to make it through. It's easy to read, but it's not compelling; however, the information inside is great. I have been more aware of how I listen to my children and how I respond to them. I hope that I can continue to improve these skills in our lives, even after I move on to another book. This book is loong, and it took me a while to make it through. It's easy to read, but it's not compelling; however, the information inside is great. I have been more aware of how I listen to my children and how I respond to them. I hope that I can continue to improve these skills in our lives, even after I move on to another book.

  14. 4 out of 5

    Colleen

    This is one of the best parenting books out there. I raised three children to adulthood before I read this but I wish this had been there to make me not feel so guilty for how I raised my kids! This book is given to Parent to Parent employees for the Military Child Education Coalition. It is EXCELLENT

  15. 4 out of 5

    Roxanne Nichols

    Some insightful stuff, but as a parent to a teen I find myself wondering if I've made too many mistakes and that I'm too late to correct/modify my kiddo's perspective of himself. I find myself not want to finish the book for this very reason Some insightful stuff, but as a parent to a teen I find myself wondering if I've made too many mistakes and that I'm too late to correct/modify my kiddo's perspective of himself. I find myself not want to finish the book for this very reason

  16. 4 out of 5

    CJ

    This is one of the best parenting books I have read in a long time. It encompasses a lot of the information shared by leaders in the field and presents the information in an easy to digest manner. A must-read for parents.

  17. 4 out of 5

    Maureen

    Not a page-turner but a worthy read, especially for parents. Sadly, those who would most benefit from reading it probably won't. Not a page-turner but a worthy read, especially for parents. Sadly, those who would most benefit from reading it probably won't.

  18. 5 out of 5

    Erika

    Excellent

  19. 5 out of 5

    Anne

    an excellent read for my teaching and my parenting self not a fast read but a meaningful one tools to use with myself, my kids, and for families at work highly recommended

  20. 5 out of 5

    Kristin

    Very interesting book. Slow read but puts together every parenting advice I've ever heard into one book and intertwines them. Recommended! Very interesting book. Slow read but puts together every parenting advice I've ever heard into one book and intertwines them. Recommended!

  21. 5 out of 5

    Shannon

    Very helpful strategies.

  22. 4 out of 5

    Katie

    This is an excellent resource as both a parent and a therapist.

  23. 5 out of 5

    Karen

    Great topic, down to earth advice for both parents and pediatricians and others who work with kids.

  24. 4 out of 5

    Kelly Carmichael

    Really great book suitable for both parents and clinicians. I enjoyed having the author break down components of resiliency and provide steps to foster these strengths in children.

  25. 4 out of 5

    Mary

    This is an excellent reference for parents and educators. I'm confident I will dip back into it often. This is an excellent reference for parents and educators. I'm confident I will dip back into it often.

  26. 5 out of 5

    Linda

    Developing a child's resilience cannot be overemphasized or overvalued! Developing a child's resilience cannot be overemphasized or overvalued!

  27. 5 out of 5

    Nabi

    So many great strategies.

  28. 5 out of 5

    K. Granger

  29. 4 out of 5

    Kayla

  30. 4 out of 5

    Heather N

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