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The Dreamer and the Fantasy Relationship

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The Dreamer and the Fantasy Relationship: A reality check for women who love virtual and illusion filled relationships Most people if asked, would deny that they’d ever had a fantasy relationship as they’re associated with pretending to be with someone or in something that’s non-existent, however, it’s time for you to change what you think you know. In this modern age of tex The Dreamer and the Fantasy Relationship: A reality check for women who love virtual and illusion filled relationships Most people if asked, would deny that they’d ever had a fantasy relationship as they’re associated with pretending to be with someone or in something that’s non-existent, however, it’s time for you to change what you think you know. In this modern age of texts, email, Facebook, online dating, and casual relationships, it’s never been so easy to find yourself in a crumb filled fantasy relationship. An increasing number of people are satisfied with sprinklings of attention and interaction which they use to give themselves the illusion of being loved, cared for and in control because they get to avoid commitment, intimacy, and ‘full-on’ rejection. The Dreamer and the Fantasy Relationship is for every woman who’s been caught short by their overactive imagination and their great expectations. Struggled to get over a relationship that didn’t truly exist? Don’t understand how you wound up spending years with someone you hardly see? Keep letting your assumptions and projections run away with you? It’s time to come back down to earth and face reality so you can take action in your present, face your real future, and get happy. Acting as a companion guide to Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl, the no holds barred ‘bible’ for understanding excuse filled, commitment dodging, unavailable men and the women that they fall back on for an ego stroke, shag, and a shoulder to lean on, I wanted to introduce a new role due to the sheer number of emails and comments I receive from women who actually believe that the crumbs that they’re receiving, particularly via cheap talk, grand promises, texts, email and Facebook are a relationship or ‘love’. You’ll know you need to read this if: You’re an Escapist, dissatisfied with your current relationship, mentally checking out, complaining about your expectations not being met, and even starting an affair with someone else. You’re a Crusher, ‘loving’ and admiring someone from a distance that puts you in that unreciprocated feelings setting. You’re a Virtual, spending too much time surfing dating sites, relying on the written word and getting high off the buzz of a text or email coming through. You’re a Tabber, angry, hurt and feeling rejected because your relationship is over so regaining a sense of control by devoting your time and energy to tracking your ex via social networking and poking around in his life. The Dreamer and the Fantasy Relationship explains how fantasy relationships work, why they’re so attractive, the types of fantasy relationship and Mr Unavailable that you’re likely to be involved with, and provides practical tips and tools for breaking the habit and tackling issues such as rejection avoidance, and fear of abandonment, criticism and conflict. Delivered with a my no-fluff dose of reality and plenty of humour, I want to empower you to let go of the illusions so that you can be available for an available relationship in the real world.


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The Dreamer and the Fantasy Relationship: A reality check for women who love virtual and illusion filled relationships Most people if asked, would deny that they’d ever had a fantasy relationship as they’re associated with pretending to be with someone or in something that’s non-existent, however, it’s time for you to change what you think you know. In this modern age of tex The Dreamer and the Fantasy Relationship: A reality check for women who love virtual and illusion filled relationships Most people if asked, would deny that they’d ever had a fantasy relationship as they’re associated with pretending to be with someone or in something that’s non-existent, however, it’s time for you to change what you think you know. In this modern age of texts, email, Facebook, online dating, and casual relationships, it’s never been so easy to find yourself in a crumb filled fantasy relationship. An increasing number of people are satisfied with sprinklings of attention and interaction which they use to give themselves the illusion of being loved, cared for and in control because they get to avoid commitment, intimacy, and ‘full-on’ rejection. The Dreamer and the Fantasy Relationship is for every woman who’s been caught short by their overactive imagination and their great expectations. Struggled to get over a relationship that didn’t truly exist? Don’t understand how you wound up spending years with someone you hardly see? Keep letting your assumptions and projections run away with you? It’s time to come back down to earth and face reality so you can take action in your present, face your real future, and get happy. Acting as a companion guide to Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl, the no holds barred ‘bible’ for understanding excuse filled, commitment dodging, unavailable men and the women that they fall back on for an ego stroke, shag, and a shoulder to lean on, I wanted to introduce a new role due to the sheer number of emails and comments I receive from women who actually believe that the crumbs that they’re receiving, particularly via cheap talk, grand promises, texts, email and Facebook are a relationship or ‘love’. You’ll know you need to read this if: You’re an Escapist, dissatisfied with your current relationship, mentally checking out, complaining about your expectations not being met, and even starting an affair with someone else. You’re a Crusher, ‘loving’ and admiring someone from a distance that puts you in that unreciprocated feelings setting. You’re a Virtual, spending too much time surfing dating sites, relying on the written word and getting high off the buzz of a text or email coming through. You’re a Tabber, angry, hurt and feeling rejected because your relationship is over so regaining a sense of control by devoting your time and energy to tracking your ex via social networking and poking around in his life. The Dreamer and the Fantasy Relationship explains how fantasy relationships work, why they’re so attractive, the types of fantasy relationship and Mr Unavailable that you’re likely to be involved with, and provides practical tips and tools for breaking the habit and tackling issues such as rejection avoidance, and fear of abandonment, criticism and conflict. Delivered with a my no-fluff dose of reality and plenty of humour, I want to empower you to let go of the illusions so that you can be available for an available relationship in the real world.

30 review for The Dreamer and the Fantasy Relationship

  1. 4 out of 5

    Melody

    Read this the day after I came off a bad, mostly virtual relationship and it made me cry. Which I'm sure was not her intention, but wow. I don't usually read self-help books, especially self-help ebooks, but I'm glad I picked this one up. It really helped me process and organize a lot of the thoughts I had about my more questionable online behavior when dating and it helped me realize why my most recent thing failed with flying colors. If you spend a lot of time online or you find yourself easil Read this the day after I came off a bad, mostly virtual relationship and it made me cry. Which I'm sure was not her intention, but wow. I don't usually read self-help books, especially self-help ebooks, but I'm glad I picked this one up. It really helped me process and organize a lot of the thoughts I had about my more questionable online behavior when dating and it helped me realize why my most recent thing failed with flying colors. If you spend a lot of time online or you find yourself easily swept up in internet-based fantasy worlds, this is a good book to read to help you stop all of that. It is a HARSH wake up call for people who love the internet a little too much and need to get back to living and dating in the real world. She does repeat herself a bit, but it's because the advice is really universal and does not get old, regardless of which type of Dreamer you are - you gotta love yourself and you gotta break out of your destructive habits and build up your self-esteem in reality. I didn't read "Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback Girl," because this book fit my more specific internet-related needs. I loved the tips she gave at the end to help change your behavior and the way it really breaks down HOW these types of non-relationships and casual things end up hurting you in the long run. I wish I could give a copy to many different people in my life. Instead, I'll be grateful I have it in my Kindle. I highlighted something on almost every page and I plan on revisiting this book often in 2015.

  2. 5 out of 5

    Chantel

    The reason I'm giving this book a two star is because it seemed like a copy paste from Natalie's first book, Mr. Unavailable and The Fallback Girl. In her first book she touches on so many of the same points, I felt like this book was just a drawn out description of what an unrealistic female in love can be like. I gave her first book a four star, and i recommend it. The material is punchy, fresh, what I needed to hear. The Dreamer and the Fantasy Relationship, its less helpful friend, is defini The reason I'm giving this book a two star is because it seemed like a copy paste from Natalie's first book, Mr. Unavailable and The Fallback Girl. In her first book she touches on so many of the same points, I felt like this book was just a drawn out description of what an unrealistic female in love can be like. I gave her first book a four star, and i recommend it. The material is punchy, fresh, what I needed to hear. The Dreamer and the Fantasy Relationship, its less helpful friend, is definitely not worth the money.

  3. 5 out of 5

    Emily Parry

    Did not and could not even finish this book. Having read her previous book “Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl”, I thought this book might have been an interesting read about how you allow yourself to fantasise about your relationship and maybe put extra pressure on success. By page 20 something, I was actually so annoyed. People having a daydream about their potential future is completely different from the way the author has described these “categories” of women, even describing them as likel Did not and could not even finish this book. Having read her previous book “Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl”, I thought this book might have been an interesting read about how you allow yourself to fantasise about your relationship and maybe put extra pressure on success. By page 20 something, I was actually so annoyed. People having a daydream about their potential future is completely different from the way the author has described these “categories” of women, even describing them as likely to be in trouble with the police or accused of stalking.... Next level disturbing that without any qualifications to back up these rather wild assumptions, she feels that she can write something like that and then talk about how women have low self esteem on the next page. I wonder why....

  4. 5 out of 5

    Driver

    Just as the previous book, this one is all about a misunderstood, and misapplied, "tough love" approach that ultimately is really only about blaming the victims of abusive relationships. Guy string you along? The relationship is just in your head, you psychotic bitch! Sorry, that's not self-help, that's self-harm if you actually take to heart this complete nonsense. A dangerous book with the potential to (re-) traumatize victims who are looking to heal. Just as the previous book, this one is all about a misunderstood, and misapplied, "tough love" approach that ultimately is really only about blaming the victims of abusive relationships. Guy string you along? The relationship is just in your head, you psychotic bitch! Sorry, that's not self-help, that's self-harm if you actually take to heart this complete nonsense. A dangerous book with the potential to (re-) traumatize victims who are looking to heal.

  5. 5 out of 5

    Nat

    Obviously quite heteronormative, but a lot of useful insight into the world of obsessive crushes, strung-along relationships, and wishful thinking. I got a lot out of it, especially when it comes to building self-esteem and honestly assessing the state of a relationship. She works hard to dig the reader out of pits of self-blame, and provides powerful tools for reframing.

  6. 5 out of 5

    Britt Ivy

    This Book Hits Home I never realized I had emotional issues and baggage until I discovered baggage reclaim. I chalked it up to choosing bad guys or rather choosing anyone who showed me attention. I learned so much more than dating in these books.

  7. 4 out of 5

    Jessica

    Embarrassing title, but full of real talk! This book was so helpful and I know I will make better choices as a result of Natalie Lue’s no-nonsense advice.

  8. 5 out of 5

    Liz

    Another great book by Natalie that saves the female ego mind from getting lost in bullshit.

  9. 4 out of 5

    Maria

    This book is s must: it truly changed my perspective at life

  10. 4 out of 5

    Gwen

    I really enjoy Natalie Lue's wisdom. I actually liked this book better than "Mr. Unavailable & the Fallback Girl" and I highly recommend her website baggagereclaim.com. I really enjoy Natalie Lue's wisdom. I actually liked this book better than "Mr. Unavailable & the Fallback Girl" and I highly recommend her website baggagereclaim.com.

  11. 4 out of 5

    mcdl

    Repetitive. Same concepts of previous books. And same poor writing.

  12. 5 out of 5

    Patricia

    When I bought this book, I was not expecting to get much out of it. I cannot stress enough how wrong I was. The book was the slap on the face / wake-up call which I was long overdue and so much in need... Far from being a cheaply written Agony Aunt Column type of book, it is primarily aimed at women but I truly believe that men would also benefit greatly from reading it. From the "Quick Honest Conversation" at the beginning, passing through The Dreamer Girl and the Shopper Guy, Understanding Mr U When I bought this book, I was not expecting to get much out of it. I cannot stress enough how wrong I was. The book was the slap on the face / wake-up call which I was long overdue and so much in need... Far from being a cheaply written Agony Aunt Column type of book, it is primarily aimed at women but I truly believe that men would also benefit greatly from reading it. From the "Quick Honest Conversation" at the beginning, passing through The Dreamer Girl and the Shopper Guy, Understanding Mr Unavailable, Rejection, Bad Emotional Habits, Self-Love, all the way to Tips on how to Be Real, the author takes you through a painful but realistic view of where you are and how you got there in the first place, and most importantly, how to get out of it by facing your fears and setting the foundations to allowing yourself to being available to Mr Available. Some of the best passages for me were: "Do you spend more time thinking about the type of relationship you should have or contemplating the types of things your partner ‘must’ do to fulfil you than you do actually living a relationship or making choices that reflect your vision and expectations?" "As a Fallback Girl, you’ve mastered the art of making a lot out of a little. While at Tesco (a British supermarket), “Every little helps”, this doesn’t extend to emotionally, physically, and spiritually unavailable men who have convinced themselves that what they give is greater than it is in actuality. This is fundamentally why Mr Unavailables get so much play - women all over the world keep pumping them up, seeing more potential than exists, and allowing them to get away with extracting as much benefit as they can without having to commit or at times, even be halfway decent." "What you must remember is that if you were having a real relationship, with a real mutual connection, he’d not only walk through that door, but he’d close it and stay with you, instead of leaving you to your own devices and imagination once he’s got what he wants." A great book and it has thrown a lot of light into a currently very dark room. Now onto Mr Unavailable and The Fallback Girl.

  13. 4 out of 5

    Ffiona

    I liked this book but the author does not really give enough detail about the cause of the behaviour,basically it is a trauma based behaviour that has a psychological explanation... When a child grows up in a family where emotional interactions and attunement with parents are lacking, that child learns to overcompensate for what is not happening. It would be too devastating for a young child to let in the reality that her parent(s) does not care,is not interested in her as this would provoke a pr I liked this book but the author does not really give enough detail about the cause of the behaviour,basically it is a trauma based behaviour that has a psychological explanation... When a child grows up in a family where emotional interactions and attunement with parents are lacking, that child learns to overcompensate for what is not happening. It would be too devastating for a young child to let in the reality that her parent(s) does not care,is not interested in her as this would provoke a primal panic response.In order to cope with this state of affairs the child shuts out the reality that her care givers are not emotionally available by projecting the love and warmth she has for her parent and then imagining/fantasising the feeling is being reciprocated by the parent.Blocking out the truth that the parent is not really engaging on any meaningful level.The child is able to override the reality of the felt disconnect by using imagination to feel connected...this is a form of denial where they have to surrender psychic integrity in order to preserve relatedness. This type of defensive behaviour helps the child cope with inadequate parenting,unfortunately it does not help the child when she grows into an adult because she will tend to distort reality in her adult relationships by imagining their partner is emotionally available and a relationship is taking place, when in fact there is no relating taking place & a relationship is not occurring.This is the dynamic that keeps so many people stuck in fantasy relationships. In order to counter this the skill of reality testing needs to be strengthened. Reality testing allows people to assess whether a person is actually offering them emotional connection,warmth.

  14. 5 out of 5

    Lisa

    I saw myself and many of my romantic interests in practically every line of this incredibly vital and important book. It's so true it made me cringe and shake my head in admiration. I wish I had read this years ago, I'm so thankful a friend recommended it and for the changes and possibilities for healthy relationships it has created in my life. I saw myself and many of my romantic interests in practically every line of this incredibly vital and important book. It's so true it made me cringe and shake my head in admiration. I wish I had read this years ago, I'm so thankful a friend recommended it and for the changes and possibilities for healthy relationships it has created in my life.

  15. 4 out of 5

    Kristel Øverland

    mange av forfatterens lærdommer er fra forrige bok: mr unavaiable and the falback girl, men denne tar mer tak i oss drømmere som av å til trenger en spark bak å våkne til realiteten av våre relasjoner.

  16. 4 out of 5

    Natalie

    im giving this a huge 5 stars for amazing content, but tbh the writing is quite poor and could really do with an editor

  17. 4 out of 5

    Lyudmyla Kurenkov

  18. 5 out of 5

    Laura Hargreaves

  19. 4 out of 5

    Fran

  20. 4 out of 5

    Sam

  21. 5 out of 5

    Nicola

  22. 4 out of 5

    Rochelle

  23. 5 out of 5

    J

  24. 4 out of 5

    Wendriel

  25. 4 out of 5

    melinda mesina

  26. 5 out of 5

    Ganelle Carriere

  27. 4 out of 5

    Elaine Lewis

  28. 4 out of 5

    Toast

  29. 4 out of 5

    sarah fisk

  30. 4 out of 5

    Traci

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