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The Peaceful Daughter's Guide to Separating from A Difficult Mother: Freeing Yourself From The Guilt, Anger, Resentment and Bitterness of Being Raised ... (The Peaceful Daughter's Guides Book 1)

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Every woman has a mother story. A story she uses to define herself, to limit herself, to react from, to blame from, and to shame herself from. Using her own story, the author provides a series of thought-provoking concepts and tools to help adult daughters rewrite and transform their mother stories from tales of blame, shame, and reaction, to narratives of resilience, empo Every woman has a mother story. A story she uses to define herself, to limit herself, to react from, to blame from, and to shame herself from. Using her own story, the author provides a series of thought-provoking concepts and tools to help adult daughters rewrite and transform their mother stories from tales of blame, shame, and reaction, to narratives of resilience, empowerment, and autonomy. This is NOT another “here’s what’s wrong with your mother” book! In The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide to Separating from a Difficult Mother, Karen C.L. Anderson shares her down-to-earth and light-hearted wisdom and personal examples to illustrate the process she used to feel better about herself, using her relationship with her mother as the lens through which to focus. Readers will learn: 
 • The difference between stories that hold you back and a story that sets you free. • What emotions really are, how to literally feel and process them, and how to safely express them. • The connection between thoughts and feelings. • The art of setting empowered boundaries. • How to stop “shoulding” when it comes to yourself and your mother. • How to start truly taking care of yourself and meet your own needs. Advance Praise for The Peaceful Daughter's Guide to Separating from a Difficult Mother “The work that Karen Anderson is doing with daughters in regards to their mothers is some of the most important work on the planet today. When we understand how influenced our minds are by what happened when we were growing up, we can then decide to let it go. In this book, Karen gives us the steps to do just that. I know from experience that this work is not easy, but it is by far the most important work I have ever done. Let Karen show you the way.” ~ Brooke Castillo, Master Coach Instructor & Founder of The Life Coach School


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Every woman has a mother story. A story she uses to define herself, to limit herself, to react from, to blame from, and to shame herself from. Using her own story, the author provides a series of thought-provoking concepts and tools to help adult daughters rewrite and transform their mother stories from tales of blame, shame, and reaction, to narratives of resilience, empo Every woman has a mother story. A story she uses to define herself, to limit herself, to react from, to blame from, and to shame herself from. Using her own story, the author provides a series of thought-provoking concepts and tools to help adult daughters rewrite and transform their mother stories from tales of blame, shame, and reaction, to narratives of resilience, empowerment, and autonomy. This is NOT another “here’s what’s wrong with your mother” book! In The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide to Separating from a Difficult Mother, Karen C.L. Anderson shares her down-to-earth and light-hearted wisdom and personal examples to illustrate the process she used to feel better about herself, using her relationship with her mother as the lens through which to focus. Readers will learn: 
 • The difference between stories that hold you back and a story that sets you free. • What emotions really are, how to literally feel and process them, and how to safely express them. • The connection between thoughts and feelings. • The art of setting empowered boundaries. • How to stop “shoulding” when it comes to yourself and your mother. • How to start truly taking care of yourself and meet your own needs. Advance Praise for The Peaceful Daughter's Guide to Separating from a Difficult Mother “The work that Karen Anderson is doing with daughters in regards to their mothers is some of the most important work on the planet today. When we understand how influenced our minds are by what happened when we were growing up, we can then decide to let it go. In this book, Karen gives us the steps to do just that. I know from experience that this work is not easy, but it is by far the most important work I have ever done. Let Karen show you the way.” ~ Brooke Castillo, Master Coach Instructor & Founder of The Life Coach School

53 review for The Peaceful Daughter's Guide to Separating from A Difficult Mother: Freeing Yourself From The Guilt, Anger, Resentment and Bitterness of Being Raised ... (The Peaceful Daughter's Guides Book 1)

  1. 4 out of 5

    Antonina

    Since a couple of years I started a process of psychologically separating from my mother with the help of therapy and other tools like mindfulness. I read quite a number of books on the subject, including the ones mentioned in the book - about the mothers who can't love, etc. This is probably going to be a longer review than initially planned, since I want to explain a couple of things first. So, about these books. In the beginning of the process I was so eager to find me a sole fix to all my pr Since a couple of years I started a process of psychologically separating from my mother with the help of therapy and other tools like mindfulness. I read quite a number of books on the subject, including the ones mentioned in the book - about the mothers who can't love, etc. This is probably going to be a longer review than initially planned, since I want to explain a couple of things first. So, about these books. In the beginning of the process I was so eager to find me a sole fix to all my problems, a one-book-that-explains-it-all. Inevitably there would be a disappointment in the end. So over the years I learned to look at it as a giant puzzle. Millions of pieces, all representing my knowledge about myself and life. Some books will deliver whole chunks of pieces - important insights, some only one or two pieces - interesting ideas that complemented existing knowledge, but not opening new areas. Ok, that was the detour. So I was eager to start reading this book ("The Peaceful Daughter..."), but not that eager like 'oh this is gonna be THE book'. I must also clarify, that therapy-wise, I am at the point where I seem to have past the peak of anger and bitterness and am slowly approaching sadness. Although it all goes in circles and at a 'two steps forward one step back' pace. This is to explain that I was particularly attracted to the word "peaceful" in the title. I am quite tired of all the anger. It's exhausting, really. So. I found the book really sharp and deep on a number of points. I am not going to detail all of them, but overall the book is extremely interesting because it is written by someone who's been there with her mother, through therapy, etc. She describes all the important milestones of how her mindset changed and I could relate to a lot of it. Besides, she introduces a number of interesting concepts from other authors, which offer you pathways to continue exploring and learning about yourself. Now, why the 4 stars, or even 3,5? Firstly, style-wise, because it's too short. The chapters are only several pages long, while the content is jam-packed with insights and important points. So many times I ended up with the thought "she could've elaborate more on this". I had a feeling, that I was not reading the book itself, but a short summary of it. Perhaps it was meant to be that way - a bait to explore more in the personal coaching sessions etc. But then the blog and a series of articles would've done the job, in my opinion. And a book must be a book. Second objection is content-wise. One of the main themes running through a book is how one (=a daughter that is separating from her mother) can get stuck in the anger, bitterness, self-pity and victim consciousness, even with all the therapy etc. That was the author's case and then she caught herself on it and with the help of some other coaching and tools got out of it. She also refers a number of times that this can happen because our brains love thinking familiar thoughts, so if it's anger and pity, than anger and pity it is for the rest of our lives. What I personally did not like and can't agree with is this whole thought that you need to get pushed or kicked out of that state. It shows that one is not totally comfortable with these feelings, had not "felt them through" till they're gone and needs to use force to get oneself to another level. This is not being comfortable with these feelings, this is being afraid of them. What I learned from my therapy is that no matter how hard it is, I can not force myself onto the next level, namely, from anger to sadness. I need to feel it through and I need to give myself all the time I need for that. Some people may need weeks, some years. Be patient and allow yourself these feelings. Trust your brain, that it will not voluntarily get stuck in these feelings. Somehow this whole idea that a brain will get stuck in the unpleasant feelings doesn't convince me, but I haven't read any official research, so I can't argue more. In my experience, it's the opposite: these feelings are so hard, so tiresome and exhausting, that brain uses all tricks it can to escape, including plunging in the substitute feelings like self-pity or righteous anger (different from real healing anger), doubting if it's normal etc. To me (I know I am bordering on making a judgement call here), the years that the author has spent feeling these feelings, were not really feeling them, but rather being afraid to feel them, in short, walking around the dark forest, but not going inside. And then she got tired and decided to kick herself out of that state. Perhaps I got it wrong in the book, but this whole process didn't convince me. Like I said, to me, you need to allow yourself as much anger as needed, but then be really honest with yourself about whether you're really feeling the scary feelings or escaping them by feeling something else.

  2. 5 out of 5

    Meredith Holley

    Oh Karen Anderson. What a lovely fellow coach. Karen was a Master Coach in my coach training, and I was so excited to meet her because I had listened to this podcast and been incredibly impressed by what she had to say - especially on the realities of labeling someone as narcissistic or not. I FINALLY got the chance to sit down and read this book, after planning to for almost a year. I'm so glad I did. It is lovely. Karen is an amazing example of someone who has been willing to take a life she c Oh Karen Anderson. What a lovely fellow coach. Karen was a Master Coach in my coach training, and I was so excited to meet her because I had listened to this podcast and been incredibly impressed by what she had to say - especially on the realities of labeling someone as narcissistic or not. I FINALLY got the chance to sit down and read this book, after planning to for almost a year. I'm so glad I did. It is lovely. Karen is an amazing example of someone who has been willing to take a life she could be totally justified wallowing in, and instead turn it into something beautiful. Karen's insights into the work it takes to acknowledge and sit with our feelings about our parents is wonderful. She give actionable tips, but also, she gets where you're coming from. She doesn't expect you to change if you don't want to, but she's willing to offer you a solution. I remember in our training, Karen said she was being coached by our instructor, Brooke Castillo, on feeling angry. Karen said, "What if I want to feel angry?" And Brooke said, "Awesome! Do it, then!" And Karen said it had always stuck with her that sometimes we want to feel a negative emotion like anger, and getting the permission or validation to do it is so important. I love Karen. Follow her. Read her stuff. Be impressed. I understand there is going to be a new edition of this book coming out sometime in the future, and I'm so excited to see it. Well done!

  3. 4 out of 5

    Jill

    This book is a game changer. This book is for anyone that has a difficult relationship with their mom, alive or dead. But it's so much more than that. Karen Anderson teaches you how to get out from under all of the crazy, the pain, and the resentment - and feel peace. It was a courageous book to write, and an important one. And it's the first step towards healing yourself. Read every word, do every exercise and you will be free. Thank you Karen for putting your work out into the world! This book is a game changer. This book is for anyone that has a difficult relationship with their mom, alive or dead. But it's so much more than that. Karen Anderson teaches you how to get out from under all of the crazy, the pain, and the resentment - and feel peace. It was a courageous book to write, and an important one. And it's the first step towards healing yourself. Read every word, do every exercise and you will be free. Thank you Karen for putting your work out into the world!

  4. 5 out of 5

    Heidi Marleau

    Ended up really like this so I bought the book. Recommended for anyone for whom the title rings true.I would have rated it 5 stars if it told me how to totally get rid of my mother. ;-)

  5. 4 out of 5

    Melissenoel

    Goes beyond anecdotes and identification of issues. Provides practical exercises and compassionate wisdom. Concepts are broken down into nice bite size pieces. Worth reading! I'll probably read it a few more times. Goes beyond anecdotes and identification of issues. Provides practical exercises and compassionate wisdom. Concepts are broken down into nice bite size pieces. Worth reading! I'll probably read it a few more times.

  6. 5 out of 5

    Christina Haas

    This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. Best self-help book I have read in a LONG time. Clear, easy to read, with spot on journal exercises to help distill personal experience to the most basic aspect of the issue. Incredibly powerful to know that so many other women are needing to address this most important aspect of how we relate to each other as women. It starts with our relationship with our mothers. As we clear that up, I can only see lighter and brighter ways for women's relationships with each other in the future. Best self-help book I have read in a LONG time. Clear, easy to read, with spot on journal exercises to help distill personal experience to the most basic aspect of the issue. Incredibly powerful to know that so many other women are needing to address this most important aspect of how we relate to each other as women. It starts with our relationship with our mothers. As we clear that up, I can only see lighter and brighter ways for women's relationships with each other in the future.

  7. 4 out of 5

    Eliza

    Very short, rather obvious collection of other people's work that is not so much about dealing with the mother/daughter relationship as how to identify and control your emotions - no bad thing. All too CBT-ish for my liking and not a little patronizing (the author adds a footnote to explain the word pernicious at one point) - great if it works for you but there has to be better researched and written material out there. Very short, rather obvious collection of other people's work that is not so much about dealing with the mother/daughter relationship as how to identify and control your emotions - no bad thing. All too CBT-ish for my liking and not a little patronizing (the author adds a footnote to explain the word pernicious at one point) - great if it works for you but there has to be better researched and written material out there.

  8. 4 out of 5

    Wendy

    Separating doesn't have to mean never speaking again; it can also mean setting healthy boundaries so that you don't allow your mother to make you feel a certain way. This book is a good, quick read for anyone who struggles with her relationship with her mother. Separating doesn't have to mean never speaking again; it can also mean setting healthy boundaries so that you don't allow your mother to make you feel a certain way. This book is a good, quick read for anyone who struggles with her relationship with her mother.

  9. 5 out of 5

    Janet Webster

    Nothing special here.

  10. 4 out of 5

    Traceylee

    Why It was a good book. This book trying to to you deal with your emotions for troubled relationships with a mothet

  11. 5 out of 5

    a s gibson

  12. 4 out of 5

    Kathy Afterbuffalo

  13. 5 out of 5

    Emma

  14. 4 out of 5

    michelle meade

  15. 4 out of 5

    Mrs. S. Martin

  16. 4 out of 5

    A

  17. 5 out of 5

    Louise Lloyd

  18. 5 out of 5

    Elena Morganweschenfelder

  19. 5 out of 5

    Michelle R. Sullivan

  20. 5 out of 5

    Johanna Nilsson

  21. 4 out of 5

    Ms Lyn P Godfrey

  22. 4 out of 5

    Veronica

  23. 5 out of 5

    Andy

  24. 5 out of 5

    Jade Taylor

  25. 4 out of 5

    Nicole

  26. 4 out of 5

    Fran Warren

  27. 4 out of 5

    Hannon

  28. 4 out of 5

    Stephanie

  29. 5 out of 5

    Ryane Ridenour

  30. 4 out of 5

    Lc

  31. 5 out of 5

    Connie Anderson

  32. 5 out of 5

    Julie Tanner

  33. 5 out of 5

    LaQuinta Richardson

  34. 4 out of 5

    K

  35. 4 out of 5

    Mindy Buente

  36. 4 out of 5

    Deb Roby

  37. 4 out of 5

    Sandy Chen Quijije

  38. 5 out of 5

    mar ko

  39. 5 out of 5

    Kelly Pratt

  40. 4 out of 5

    Wendi Kelly

  41. 4 out of 5

    Amy

  42. 5 out of 5

    jo

  43. 5 out of 5

    Courtney

  44. 5 out of 5

    Pat

  45. 4 out of 5

    Kristina

  46. 5 out of 5

    Sharon Gethings

  47. 5 out of 5

    Veronica

  48. 4 out of 5

    mathew rubalcaba

  49. 5 out of 5

    Heidi M

  50. 4 out of 5

    Jennifer

  51. 4 out of 5

    Robb Boyd

  52. 5 out of 5

    Laimun

  53. 5 out of 5

    Jackie

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