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Miss Memory Lane: A Memoir

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A brutally honest and moving memoir of lust, abuse, addiction, stardom, and redemption from Arrow and Teen Wolf actor Colton Haynes. Four years ago, Colton Haynes woke up in a hospital. He’d had two seizures, lost the sight in one eye, almost ruptured a kidney, and been put on an involuntary psychiatry hold. Not yet thirty, he knew he had to take stock of his life and make A brutally honest and moving memoir of lust, abuse, addiction, stardom, and redemption from Arrow and Teen Wolf actor Colton Haynes. Four years ago, Colton Haynes woke up in a hospital. He’d had two seizures, lost the sight in one eye, almost ruptured a kidney, and been put on an involuntary psychiatry hold. Not yet thirty, he knew he had to take stock of his life and make some serious changes if he wanted to see his next birthday. As he worked towards sobriety, Haynes allowed himself to become vulnerable for the first time in years and with that, discovered profound self-awareness. He had millions of social media followers who constantly told him they loved him. But what would they think if they knew his true story? If they knew where he came from and the things he had done? Now, Colton bravely pulls back the curtain on his life and career, revealing the incredible highs and devastating lows. From his unorthodox childhood in a small Kansas town, to coming to terms with his sexuality, he keeps nothing back. By sixteen, he had been signed by the world’s top modeling agency and his face appeared on billboards. But he was still a broke, lonely, confused teenager, surrounded by people telling him he could be a star as long as he never let anyone see his true self. As his career in television took off, the stress of wearing so many masks and trying to please so many different people turned his use of drugs and alcohol into full-blown addiction. A lyrical and intimate confession, apology, and cautionary tale, Miss Memory Lane is an unforgettable story of dreams deferred and dreams fulfilled; of a family torn apart and rebuilt; and of a man stepping into the light as no one but himself.


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A brutally honest and moving memoir of lust, abuse, addiction, stardom, and redemption from Arrow and Teen Wolf actor Colton Haynes. Four years ago, Colton Haynes woke up in a hospital. He’d had two seizures, lost the sight in one eye, almost ruptured a kidney, and been put on an involuntary psychiatry hold. Not yet thirty, he knew he had to take stock of his life and make A brutally honest and moving memoir of lust, abuse, addiction, stardom, and redemption from Arrow and Teen Wolf actor Colton Haynes. Four years ago, Colton Haynes woke up in a hospital. He’d had two seizures, lost the sight in one eye, almost ruptured a kidney, and been put on an involuntary psychiatry hold. Not yet thirty, he knew he had to take stock of his life and make some serious changes if he wanted to see his next birthday. As he worked towards sobriety, Haynes allowed himself to become vulnerable for the first time in years and with that, discovered profound self-awareness. He had millions of social media followers who constantly told him they loved him. But what would they think if they knew his true story? If they knew where he came from and the things he had done? Now, Colton bravely pulls back the curtain on his life and career, revealing the incredible highs and devastating lows. From his unorthodox childhood in a small Kansas town, to coming to terms with his sexuality, he keeps nothing back. By sixteen, he had been signed by the world’s top modeling agency and his face appeared on billboards. But he was still a broke, lonely, confused teenager, surrounded by people telling him he could be a star as long as he never let anyone see his true self. As his career in television took off, the stress of wearing so many masks and trying to please so many different people turned his use of drugs and alcohol into full-blown addiction. A lyrical and intimate confession, apology, and cautionary tale, Miss Memory Lane is an unforgettable story of dreams deferred and dreams fulfilled; of a family torn apart and rebuilt; and of a man stepping into the light as no one but himself.

30 review for Miss Memory Lane: A Memoir

  1. 4 out of 5

    Colton Haynes

    I wrote this book…but I’m so excited to read it again…for the millionth time lol. Am I up at 2am writing a review of my own book in the comment section…yes. Will you cry your eyes out & love this book so much that you’ll tell everyone you know to read it as well…I HOPE 😂 ❤️

  2. 4 out of 5

    Matt

    HAPPY PUB DAY, just in time for Pride Month! First of all, I have to give props to Colton because this could not have been an easy memoir to write, but I believe it is a necessary one. The first half (or so) of the book focuses on his childhood which reads like a family drama, and I had to keep reminding myself this was an actual person’s memoir because I couldn’t believe some of the things that occurred. Colton discovers sex at a young age and quickly develops an unhealthy relationship with sex. HAPPY PUB DAY, just in time for Pride Month! First of all, I have to give props to Colton because this could not have been an easy memoir to write, but I believe it is a necessary one. The first half (or so) of the book focuses on his childhood which reads like a family drama, and I had to keep reminding myself this was an actual person’s memoir because I couldn’t believe some of the things that occurred. Colton discovers sex at a young age and quickly develops an unhealthy relationship with sex. This evolves into an adult Colton who gives us a very eye-opening account of just how much ‘sex sells’ in Hollywood. As someone who’s been a fan of Colton for years (and yes, was a celeb crush of mine, I’ll admit it), I had no idea that he came out as gay as a teenager and was even engaged to a man upon starting his modeling career. However when he began pursuing acting he was told to go back into the closet, and to tone down his voice and mannerisms to appear ‘straighter’. Sex, alcohol, and drug addictions were secretly deteriorating him behind the scenes as he had to keep his authentic life hidden. Haynes gives us a very real portrait of what it’s like to be LGBTQ in Hollywood, and some of its realities will shock you.

  3. 5 out of 5

    Gustaf

    Wow. This was such an intense, heart beating fast, beautiful book. I couldn't put it away. It actually frustrated me that I had to stop reading this because I had to go to work. I've been a fan of Colton for a long time and this read just made me a bigger fan. Wow. This was such an intense, heart beating fast, beautiful book. I couldn't put it away. It actually frustrated me that I had to stop reading this because I had to go to work. I've been a fan of Colton for a long time and this read just made me a bigger fan.

  4. 4 out of 5

    M. Reads Often

    Wow, this is raw and visceral. I couldn’t stop reading. I finished this book within a day. I stayed up til 2 am and then devoured the rest in the afternoon. I can understand why the editor of the publisher said he needed this book to be shared because of the emotion and depth. Colton Haynes doesn’t hold back. He shares the struggles of his life and how hard it was. He shares his addictions, the loss of his mother, his eating issues, and he shares how he’s felt worthless. He shares every iota of h Wow, this is raw and visceral. I couldn’t stop reading. I finished this book within a day. I stayed up til 2 am and then devoured the rest in the afternoon. I can understand why the editor of the publisher said he needed this book to be shared because of the emotion and depth. Colton Haynes doesn’t hold back. He shares the struggles of his life and how hard it was. He shares his addictions, the loss of his mother, his eating issues, and he shares how he’s felt worthless. He shares every iota of himself and it’s so beautiful and hauntingly deep. This is a book which stays inside your being and head, reverberating around to remind you of the way trauma impacts Colton as well as reflecting upon your own. I’ve read a fair amount of memoirs, but this may be one of the best because it’s not perfect or polished in words. Everything is just laid bare. I can’t recommend this enough for anyone who wants the most wonderful and sad memoir they’ll ever read. Thank you NetGalley and Atria for the digital review copy.

  5. 4 out of 5

    Darya Silman

    #LGBTQ Trigger warning: sexual abuse, child abuse, violence, detailed sex scenes. A lost child's memoir that cuts deep emotionally. In Miss Memory Lane: A Memoir, Colton Haynes removes the mask - a Kansas jork, a model, a TV show celebrity - to reveal an inner child who is still searching for his mother's validation. If you are a fan of 'Teen Wolf' and 'Arrow,' you know who Colton Haynes is; always a looking-fabulous athletic young man on the screen, having-fun-with-colleagues cutie behind the s #LGBTQ Trigger warning: sexual abuse, child abuse, violence, detailed sex scenes. A lost child's memoir that cuts deep emotionally. In Miss Memory Lane: A Memoir, Colton Haynes removes the mask - a Kansas jork, a model, a TV show celebrity - to reveal an inner child who is still searching for his mother's validation. If you are a fan of 'Teen Wolf' and 'Arrow,' you know who Colton Haynes is; always a looking-fabulous athletic young man on the screen, having-fun-with-colleagues cutie behind the scenes. However, the reader won't find details about working on TV shows inside the book: the author doesn't remember much of that time. The memoir's engaging language delivers a harrowing story from dysfunctional family dynamics, including sexual abuse at age six, to doing odd jobs to survive (working on a sex line and mailing used underwear and socks). From a very young age, the author wanted to be noticed and feel valued, first by his mother and then by men. He learned to gain love by looking sexually attractive but didn't learn to love himself. Modeling and acting were all about seducing the camera, and it worked - until it didn't. I recommend reading the 'Acknowledgments' section at the end of the book. The love and kindness pouring out of the section's pages balance the overall bitter aftertaste of the previous narrative. The idea that his life has been a mess prevented the author from juxtaposing the negative moments with positive ones: friends, family, colleagues, etc. From the section, the reader can see how many people genuinely care about the author and, more importantly, how he cares about them, despite his downfalls. I recommend the book as unraveling work-in-the-making. Despite the round structure, the end mirroring the beginning, Colton Haynes's story isn't complete as he's deeply immersed in revaluating his experiences. I have a gut feeling that there will be another memoir after ten or twenty years, with more layers of reflection, more revealing detachment from the current events.

  6. 4 out of 5

    rita

    tw/ physical abuse, grooming, sexual abuse, eating disorders, substance abuse, addiction, homophobia this was an extremely hard read just based on the topics at hand alone, so i can only imagine the absolute emotional journey it must have been for colton to write this, to have to go down miss memory lane (adore this title) and put it all on the page. the detailing of his life is very raw, from his early childhood days, to his rise to fame first through finessing his way into modeling and later on tw/ physical abuse, grooming, sexual abuse, eating disorders, substance abuse, addiction, homophobia this was an extremely hard read just based on the topics at hand alone, so i can only imagine the absolute emotional journey it must have been for colton to write this, to have to go down miss memory lane (adore this title) and put it all on the page. the detailing of his life is very raw, from his early childhood days, to his rise to fame first through finessing his way into modeling and later on through his roles on huge tv shows like teen wolf and arrow, until we get to his coming out story and stay at a rehab. the writing is one of my favorite parts, it’s to the point while also being so engaging. you can feel the honesty in every story being told and every emotion that colton was going through during them, even during the parts he remembers less off due to his alcohol dependency making many of those details quite blurry. i listened to the audiobook, as if it my preferred method to consume memoirs narrated by the authors themselves and colton’s reading of his own story added a level of genuine emotion to the stories being told. this book brought me to tears a couple times and made me have to stop listening to it and take a breather many other but if anyone thinks they’re emotionally well enough to read it then i absolutely recommend it!

  7. 4 out of 5

    Nev

    Colton Haynes’ memoir is a very heavy read. It deals with a lot of addiction, complicated familial relationships, homophobia, abuse, and being sexualized at a young age. Colton’s writing was really engaging and brought all the emotions and situations to life. His life growing up and then starting to model as a teenager were a large focus within the book. I think if someone was going into this mainly wanting behind the scenes stories about Teen Wolf or Arrow then they might be disappointed by how Colton Haynes’ memoir is a very heavy read. It deals with a lot of addiction, complicated familial relationships, homophobia, abuse, and being sexualized at a young age. Colton’s writing was really engaging and brought all the emotions and situations to life. His life growing up and then starting to model as a teenager were a large focus within the book. I think if someone was going into this mainly wanting behind the scenes stories about Teen Wolf or Arrow then they might be disappointed by how not a lot of page time is dedicated to that. While those shows do get mentions, it’s not the typical actor memoir style where there’s a lot of fun stories about shooting different episodes and whatnot. With Colton’s memoir it’s more about how he was feeling being in the closet and spiraling out of control in the background while those shows were going on. I appreciated getting a different look into an actor’s life and seeing how crushing it was for him when people on his team were convincing him that he couldn’t be open about being gay. I did feel like at times when the book would skip forward by a few years that I was missing out on a lot of context when things would just be mentioned in passing. It just made some parts of the book feel lopsided when certain things would be written about in depth and then something else that seemed like a big event was only given a couple of sentences. But overall I think this was a really interesting memoir and definitely worth checking out. Thank you to the publisher for providing an advance copy via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

  8. 5 out of 5

    Living My Best Book Life

    Miss Memory Lane is a poignant memoir that I couldn't put down. Colton Haynes bares his soul in a way that is brutally honest and yet healing. One of the most powerful memoirs that I have read! When I hear/see the name Colton Haynes, I am immediately brought back to my teenage years. I remember seeing him on a show called 'The Gates' and just being drawn to him. Of course, you can't help but notice how gorgeous he is and that just pulled me in. I continued to follow his career and have been a fan Miss Memory Lane is a poignant memoir that I couldn't put down. Colton Haynes bares his soul in a way that is brutally honest and yet healing. One of the most powerful memoirs that I have read! When I hear/see the name Colton Haynes, I am immediately brought back to my teenage years. I remember seeing him on a show called 'The Gates' and just being drawn to him. Of course, you can't help but notice how gorgeous he is and that just pulled me in. I continued to follow his career and have been a fan ever since. He always brought such a light onscreen and I feel like that only made it easier for people to gravitate towards him. As I started reading the book, I was heartbroken. Colton opens up about how he sees himself in a way that is 'replaceable' or 'worthless' and it broke my heart. How could a person who is so special feel this way about themselves? If anything, his memoir reminds us that celebrities are just people like the rest of us. Sure they may have more fame or money, but it doesn't mean they are immune to feelings and emotions. I appreciated how honest Colton was throughout. From his childhood to his adulthood, he bared it all. His life is really like a beautiful disaster. There are ups and downs and even more ups and downs. This is filled with so many moments in his life and really gives me a sense of Colton as a person. To say that he has gone through it would be an understatement. But in all the sadness and tragedy, there is hope. I am so happy that Colton decided to make a change in his life. Colton, if you are reading this I hope you know that you are worth it. You are strong, you are loved, and you are one-of-a-kind. I give Miss Memory Lane 5 stars. I guarantee readers will be in tears after they finish reading. I said this earlier and I will say it again. This book is one of the most affecting memoirs that I have read! Colton Haynes talks about it all; his childhood, sexuality, career, drug abuse, and mental health. But there is hope. Every storm in life is followed by a rainbow. I appreciate Colton's honesty and authenticity. I know that he didn't have to tell his story, but he did and it is affecting!

  9. 4 out of 5

    Daniela

    I have… opinions, strong ones, on parent-child relationships that make me angry whenever children whose parents did really bad keep chasing after them, their attention and love. I think that parents who abandon or abuse their children not only don’t deserve the term mum or dad, but that they don’t deserve forgiveness, don’t deserve their children’s love, devotion, or loyalty. They deserve to suffer the consequences of putting children into this world and then not treating them right. I don’t thi I have… opinions, strong ones, on parent-child relationships that make me angry whenever children whose parents did really bad keep chasing after them, their attention and love. I think that parents who abandon or abuse their children not only don’t deserve the term mum or dad, but that they don’t deserve forgiveness, don’t deserve their children’s love, devotion, or loyalty. They deserve to suffer the consequences of putting children into this world and then not treating them right. I don’t think that any child who has been wronged by a parent owes them anything - not keeping in contact with them, not their affection, not their love, not their forgiveness, not their understanding, not their support. In fact, I want children who have been wronged by their parents to cut off all contact with them and to never talk to them again because in my opinion that’s all that abusive or absentee parents deserve. A child is a helpless being whom adults chose to put into this world and they better take good care of them or they can go to hell. So I really hate it when I read a book, fiction or non-fiction, where a parent wrongs their child but the child still chases after the parent, still desperately loves the parent, still craves the parent’s attention, love, and acceptance. Of course, I know that’s just how we humans are – no matter how much they hurt us, be it by being absent and then suddenly reappearing crying for forgiveness, or that they hit us, scream at us, neglect us, or subject us to domestic violence, be it that they choose to spend their money on alcohol or drugs instead of food for their family, when they choose passing out on the couch instead of making sure that their kids get a warm meal, clean up, and go to bed on time, or in Colton's case when they choose to sleep through the day instead of taking their child to their theatre classes which directly causes the child to fall victim to a sexual predator – we still are always too willing to forgive our parents just because they are our parents. Just because it is in a child’s nature to crave their parent’s love and attention no matter how much they hurt us, just like a dog who is beaten time and time again will crawl back to his abusive owner again and again, becoming more submissive in the hopes of finally deserving their love. This is what I hate about stories like Colton’s because it is his mother’s fault that he had a horrible childhood with one after the other horrible adult in it who, all of them, showed him the worst of humanity over and over again from a very young age. His mum was always drunk, she was abusive, she was neglectful, she was mean, and still he has nothing but love for her. She subjected him to one awful father figure after the other, she offered no stability whatsoever. With a childhood like that, how can you expect a child to grow up into a confident, mentally stable and healthy person? There is no chance. With all the trauma that Colton suffered as a child, it’s impossible. His mother did a very bad job at being a mother, at deserving the term, and she very effectively laid the foundation for his mental illness, his addiction, his endless craving for being seen and loved and being important to as many people as possible, an insatiable hunger for acceptance and love that could never be satisfied. The awful childhood that she offered him is the reason for everything that went wrong in his life and still this book is full of his love for her, his unwavering love for his abusive, selfish mother. And I hate that. Of course it’s his life and he can love whomever he wants. I just hate parents who are so undeserving of their children’s love and still get their loyal adoration, still get their sadness and their grief. It hurts that after everything she did to him, Colton still loves her so much and thus suffers all the more from the grief of losing her when she doesn’t deserve any of it.

  10. 5 out of 5

    Shannon Searson

    He cried, I cried. Heartbreaking, but so brutally honest and well written. ♥️💔

  11. 5 out of 5

    David

    Thank you to Colton Haynes and Atria Books for the ARC giveaway copy on Goodreads. First, this was an incredible memoir. BUY IT NOW (it comes out tomorrow, May 31, 2022). Now, I have to come clean: I was not too familiar with Colton Haynes' work going into this memoir. What drew me to this was the description that it was a memoir about coming to terms with his sexuality, abuse, addiction, and what I was sure to be insights into mental health. I greatly enjoy memoirs about coming to terms with one Thank you to Colton Haynes and Atria Books for the ARC giveaway copy on Goodreads. First, this was an incredible memoir. BUY IT NOW (it comes out tomorrow, May 31, 2022). Now, I have to come clean: I was not too familiar with Colton Haynes' work going into this memoir. What drew me to this was the description that it was a memoir about coming to terms with his sexuality, abuse, addiction, and what I was sure to be insights into mental health. I greatly enjoy memoirs about coming to terms with one's sexuality. Anything dealing with mental illness - depression, anxiety, and addiction - also interest me. This was one of the best memoirs I have read on the subject, and in general. Colton - because I feel after reading this we are clearly on a first name basis - takes a meandering approach to his life story, which is a great way to write a memoir. The key to this memoir is this: while it is told linearly in time, it is a bit more conversational than most memoirs I've read. Hence the "meandering" tone of it. Indeed, I'd have to go the step further and call this more than conversational. This was therapeutic conversation. I felt more like I was sitting down with Colton at a group therapy session or an intimate moment of vulnerability than reading a surface-level puff-piece. He is here to tell his story, to review his life for himself, and to help others by telling his story honestly and openly. One draw back to his style - which is such a minor, personal thing - is that sometimes names and people pop up with little context, as if I am supposed to know who this person is already when it is the first time they have appeared in the narrative. (Some of this is probably due to my ignorance over his television career.) Stick with it and you get the context or at least the purpose they play in his memoir. Then again, isn't that life? People pop in and out and they aren't the focus of the story; the events involving these people are the focus. For a moment I felt this distracting, but then I realized it wasn't necessarily about who this person is so much as what they represent or what event occurred with them present. I once read another celebrity coming-to-terms memoir from an out gay celebrity and I felt let down by the one-dimensional approach of stating things but never exploring them. Colton NEVER says anything without truly exploring his emotions and thoughts. He is viscerally honest about his parents, his family, his friends, but most importantly himself. For example, he speaks of childhood trauma and abuse and tells you what he felt and how it shaped him. In another instant, he speaks of his thoughts around men and being gay, what he sought out and why, how that made him feel. This was beyond honest. This was truth. I felt the truth coming off the page. His approach is moving. I cannot tell you how many times I cried. I cried because what Colton went through was at times disgusting, at times saddening, and at times heart-wrenching. I cried because what Colton said rang so true to my own experiences. I cried because of how Colton laid bare his life, even his unhealthy thoughts on sex and how he has grown from his experiences. I cannot still believe how what he said could easily have come out of my own mouth. Reading this made me cry because I realized my own history and life, I realized how I look at men and sex and how similar it is to how Colton viewed them. I was left emotional, in the best ways possible. Though I was left in tears, I am left feeling immense gratitude to Colton for his honest memoir. It showed me I am not alone. Not in my anxiety and depression. Not in my sexuality. The highest compliment I can think of for any memoir that is confessional and honest is that it made me feel like I'm not alone. Colton Haynes' "Miss Memory Lane" made me feel seen and heard. I see Colton. I hear Colton. I am glad he has shared his story and I am so glad he wrote this book. In short: This is perhaps THE BEST memoir I have ever read. Certainly it is the best memoir I've read about coming to terms with one's sexuality and dealing with one's own faults, becoming self aware and actualizing changes for a better life. I wish Colton all the luck in the world with this book and in whatever he does in the future. He, like everyone else in this world, deserves to be loved completely and unconditionally. Based on this memoir, he has begun to love himself in that way.

  12. 5 out of 5

    Salomé

    I don’t usually like to rate non-fiction because how can you rate someone’s life and experience but this book… THIS BOOK! This book has a little place in my heart and I want to keep it safe, tuck in, and away from harm. Before reading this book my first thought was « you’re only 30, how can you already write a memoir » and jokes on me it was amazing. This memoir needed to be written to heal, the writing style is beautiful, the audiobook even more enjoyable (read by Colton Haynes), and the story h I don’t usually like to rate non-fiction because how can you rate someone’s life and experience but this book… THIS BOOK! This book has a little place in my heart and I want to keep it safe, tuck in, and away from harm. Before reading this book my first thought was « you’re only 30, how can you already write a memoir » and jokes on me it was amazing. This memoir needed to be written to heal, the writing style is beautiful, the audiobook even more enjoyable (read by Colton Haynes), and the story heart-wrenching. I want to tell everyone to read it but at the same time gatekeeping it because this book is for the broken kids ✋🏽

  13. 4 out of 5

    Caitlin

    I could NOT stop listening to this. Absolutely blown away by the incredible vulnerability and wrenching honesty laid bare on the page here. It tore out my heart. A really really stunning book.

  14. 5 out of 5

    Transgender Bookworm

    Disclosure : I received a free ARC of this book through Netgalley in exchange for my honest opinion. It is often said in recovery circles that you are only as sick as your secrets. That hiding from what is hurting you only begets more pain. That shame and secrecy only feed your problems and the only way out is by shining a light on your hurt. Colton Haynes's secrets were killing him both figuratively and literally. Miss Memory Lane is a beautiful memoir that will sit heavy on my heart for some t Disclosure : I received a free ARC of this book through Netgalley in exchange for my honest opinion. It is often said in recovery circles that you are only as sick as your secrets. That hiding from what is hurting you only begets more pain. That shame and secrecy only feed your problems and the only way out is by shining a light on your hurt. Colton Haynes's secrets were killing him both figuratively and literally. Miss Memory Lane is a beautiful memoir that will sit heavy on my heart for some time. I am in awe of the vulnerability it must have taken for Colton to put pen to page and offer his pain to the world. This is a book about letting go of secrets and learning to love yourself, but it is no standard fare celebrity tell-all. This is not a book of Hollywood gossip or petty grievances. Colton didn't need to be a celebrity at all for his story to be worth telling. This is a story of a young man who was constantly looking for love and validation in all the wrong places. A young man who believed he was nothing more than a beautiful body and whose only currency in the world was his sexual utility. My heart ached for Colton reading this book for all the ways he was failed and all the ways he let himself be his own worst enemy. Thank you Colton for sharing this story that you owed no one. Thank you for your truth.

  15. 5 out of 5

    Chandler Brandetsas

    Colton takes the reader on an incredibly raw, openly honest, and tumultuously vulnerable journey. It’s challenging to read the visceral path that Haynes took to get to where he is today. However, it is refreshing that he shines a light on so many issues that perpetuate those in the LGBT community. Haynes explores challenging sexual situations, a very difficult childhood, and anything but an ideal early adulthood. Throughout the memoir, though difficult to read at times, the reader is taken on a Colton takes the reader on an incredibly raw, openly honest, and tumultuously vulnerable journey. It’s challenging to read the visceral path that Haynes took to get to where he is today. However, it is refreshing that he shines a light on so many issues that perpetuate those in the LGBT community. Haynes explores challenging sexual situations, a very difficult childhood, and anything but an ideal early adulthood. Throughout the memoir, though difficult to read at times, the reader is taken on a gripping journey filled with stories of addiction, body dysmorphia, and deep depression. Be advised that it may be triggering to some but in order to tell Colton’s story, it is certainly necessary to get across. A great read for anyone looking for a raw and especially candid memoir.

  16. 4 out of 5

    Mike McAdam

    I don't know how to feel about this book. I was riveted through most of it but had very strange mixed feelings. I felt very bad for him for a very rough childhood. The rest of it? I will just say I was glad with the note of hope at the end of the book. Otherwise, it would have felt like a chronicle of bad decisions by an alcoholic (I am not laying blame here - just acknowledging what I read). I hope people read (or, in my case, listen to the audiobook which I HIGHLY recommend) this book and lear I don't know how to feel about this book. I was riveted through most of it but had very strange mixed feelings. I felt very bad for him for a very rough childhood. The rest of it? I will just say I was glad with the note of hope at the end of the book. Otherwise, it would have felt like a chronicle of bad decisions by an alcoholic (I am not laying blame here - just acknowledging what I read). I hope people read (or, in my case, listen to the audiobook which I HIGHLY recommend) this book and learn from it. After reading the book, you can't help rooting for him. I recommend this one!

  17. 5 out of 5

    S.M.

    Brutally honest, you can say that ten times over again. This book was a raw poetic journey behind the scenes of a man who was brave enough to believe he deserved to go after his dreams and live through the consequences when they came true. Colton poured every tear into this book. Every page counted another battle to be conquered. I am so glad to read and see how much he has endured and overcome. You can't help but silently root for him in every way. Brutally honest, you can say that ten times over again. This book was a raw poetic journey behind the scenes of a man who was brave enough to believe he deserved to go after his dreams and live through the consequences when they came true. Colton poured every tear into this book. Every page counted another battle to be conquered. I am so glad to read and see how much he has endured and overcome. You can't help but silently root for him in every way.

  18. 4 out of 5

    Meg Garner

    This book was very real and very heartbreaking at once. He doesn’t hold back and I’ve never read in writing someone who has gone through such similar mindsets as far as how you view yourself and how you weigh your own value Absolute must read if you enjoyed other memoirs like My Body by Emily Ratajkowski !

  19. 5 out of 5

    sara

    okay, WOW? i absolutely loved this memoir i don’t think i really knew what to expect before starting this but now that it’s finished i have so so much respect for colton haynes

  20. 5 out of 5

    Taylor

    4.5 stars. This was sad and raw.

  21. 5 out of 5

    Aleksander Eide

    a really gripping, sad and hopefull story, narrated on the audiobook wonderfully by the author himself. a good book to listen too during pride month

  22. 4 out of 5

    Emmi (emzcureads)

    actual rating: 4.5

  23. 4 out of 5

    JT

    A strong and honest memoir. I appreciate Colton sharing his life story which couldn't be easy to share. A strong and honest memoir. I appreciate Colton sharing his life story which couldn't be easy to share.

  24. 4 out of 5

    Cody James

    Colton Haynes is the definition of “don’t judge a book by its cover”. I’ll be honest, I don’t watch a lot of tv so I’ve never seen either of Colton’s popular tv shows, but you can’t be a gay guy and not know who he is. The mans gorgeous….but that’s part of the problem Colton works through in this breathtaking and raw autobiography. From an early age (holy shit wasn’t expecting THAT) Colton learned that his good looks and body will help him get ahead in life. We read through very raw descriptions Colton Haynes is the definition of “don’t judge a book by its cover”. I’ll be honest, I don’t watch a lot of tv so I’ve never seen either of Colton’s popular tv shows, but you can’t be a gay guy and not know who he is. The mans gorgeous….but that’s part of the problem Colton works through in this breathtaking and raw autobiography. From an early age (holy shit wasn’t expecting THAT) Colton learned that his good looks and body will help him get ahead in life. We read through very raw descriptions of his assault and his sexual relationship with an older man when he was very young, so proceed with caution if these are triggering topics for you. Also, we see him dealing immensely with body image issues and addiction. Colton didn’t hold back in this. So often, celebrity biographies are very impressionable…. They peal back layers just enough to be honest but hid the real grit of their story. Colton rips the layers away and you get to understand the man behind the beautiful face so much better. A profound, at times hard to read, story of a young man working through his demons.

  25. 4 out of 5

    Michele

    This is the first memoir I've read and reviewed. I've never been a fan of them since I typically prefer the escape that fiction provides. That said, I was drawn to this initially because I've watched Colton Haynes in Teen Wolf and Arrow. Once I read a synopsis of the battles he's fought in his life, there was no way I couldn't read this book. First of all, I need to say if you have triggers, approach this one with caution. Colton's childhood was anything but traditional. He experienced abuse at a This is the first memoir I've read and reviewed. I've never been a fan of them since I typically prefer the escape that fiction provides. That said, I was drawn to this initially because I've watched Colton Haynes in Teen Wolf and Arrow. Once I read a synopsis of the battles he's fought in his life, there was no way I couldn't read this book. First of all, I need to say if you have triggers, approach this one with caution. Colton's childhood was anything but traditional. He experienced abuse at an extremely young age and it set the tone for his life of self doubt and low self esteem. As an outsider, you look at him and acknowledge that he's stunningly attractive. Colton realized his appearance could get him things early on and used it in ways that were damaging to him even though he didn't understand that at the time. He became an easy target for exploitation. The story is heartbreaking in many ways. It chronicles Colton's unhealthy relationship with his body and sexuality. Even though he realizes at a young age that he's gay, he's told to "go back in the closet" when he starts trying to get acting jobs. As time progresses, he's told to keep it quiet and that he shouldn't come out. Denying who he truly is damages Colton emotionally. He begins to rely heavily on drugs and alcohol to make it through the day. Along with the challenges Hollywood brings, Colton is still dealing with ghosts from his past. Primarily, his relationship with his mother is one that he clearly regrets. I was impressed that he didn't hold back. Colton opens himself up and puts his pain and hurt in the pages of this book. He only brushes on his acting roles with the two tv series very briefly. So, if you want to read it for background information on either Teen Wolf or Arrow, you won't get that in this book. What you get is a frank and raw detail of Colton's pain. As tragic as his story is, it's also uplifting because he's identified his demons and he's now dealing with them. This book is definitely one way in which he can process his emotions and be open about how things impacted him. It's brave and I commend him for sharing of himself to this level. It's very eye-opening that being attractive can often be as much of a burden as a blessing - - sometimes more. This is a five star read for me because I believe if anyone is willing to bare their soul to this level, they deserve it. In addition, it's a consuming read. You just can't believe the things he's lived through. Regardless of how difficult some of it can be to read, it was well worth it. Thank you to NetGalley for this ARC. I voluntarily chose to read and review it and the opinions contained within are my own.

  26. 4 out of 5

    Sam

    Colton Haynes is a writer. They say that everyone has one book in them, and while many others have published memoirs detailing their childhoods and unveiling secrets from beloved pieces of film and TV history, Miss Memory Lane is more. I was struck very early on by the writing, the point of view, the words. This man is a writer. And he has a lot to say. I watched Teen Wolf when I was a teenager, and Arrow in my early 20s. I remember when Colton came out as gay in 2016 and how it felt. I've never Colton Haynes is a writer. They say that everyone has one book in them, and while many others have published memoirs detailing their childhoods and unveiling secrets from beloved pieces of film and TV history, Miss Memory Lane is more. I was struck very early on by the writing, the point of view, the words. This man is a writer. And he has a lot to say. I watched Teen Wolf when I was a teenager, and Arrow in my early 20s. I remember when Colton came out as gay in 2016 and how it felt. I've never experienced anything as traumatic and complicated as some of the life events Colton details in Miss Memory Lane, but like many others in the LGBTQ+ community, I carry a burden. We all do. The burden of shame and worthlessness and self-loathing that queer people are born into and raised in. The burden they often push on themselves and hold onto long after it's necessary. And it's for that reason that whenever someone comes out publicly and claims their identity, I feel lighter. It's always hard to come out. For some it's impossible. But for those that do, it's power. While queer people live vastly different lives, there are parts that are always familiar. Found families and friends who are life lines, devotion to the nostalgic to reclaim childhood pieces, and that burden, those feelings, practically tattooed on the skin. Miss Memory Lane is a bigger coming out. And in it, Colton lays down his ugly, painful, beautiful truth in a way that is completely vulnerable and open. I truly hope writing it down and sending it out into the world is a relief. I hope he feels lighter and is able to let go on the things that don't serve him anymore. And I hope he knows how much his story will help other people chasing the same kind of love they'll never find from someone else. Love that comes from within. I know this is less of a book review and more of an ode to queer trauma, but sometimes you read a book and it makes you feel and it makes you stop and it makes you think about your own life, the one you're still living and your own burdens. And maybe it's time to put some of them down. Colton Haynes is a writer and Miss Memory Lane is visceral, personal, powerful and brave. It feels like a turning point, a stock of what has been, and a pivot toward something new, something his own.

  27. 5 out of 5

    Ryan

    I have come to have an expectation when picking up celebrity memoirs. Typically I find that they lack a certain depth and vulnerability to them. Like they are sugar coating or leaving out the parts that may damage their brand or make them seem too normal or damaged. Haynes, did not go this route with “Miss Memory Lane.” Haynes instead, bares his heart and soul, and allows us a very honest look at his triumphs, his short comings, and his lifelong traumas. It’s at times gut wrenching and even unco I have come to have an expectation when picking up celebrity memoirs. Typically I find that they lack a certain depth and vulnerability to them. Like they are sugar coating or leaving out the parts that may damage their brand or make them seem too normal or damaged. Haynes, did not go this route with “Miss Memory Lane.” Haynes instead, bares his heart and soul, and allows us a very honest look at his triumphs, his short comings, and his lifelong traumas. It’s at times gut wrenching and even uncomfortable to read some of the things the actor and model endured growing up. The amount of vulnerability and honesty make this at times a difficult read. Haynes doesn’t shy away from his trauma and that sort of authenticity can really sit with you as a reader. It’s a vulnerability that hopefully, can touch people who have perhaps been through similar situations. That sort of visibility he is showcasing is important. I was surprised by how well Haynes was at prose as well. I didn’t expect the memoir to be written as beautifully as it was. He has a knack for vivid visuals and beautiful wording. It made not only for an informative but also enjoyable reading experience. If you’re a fan of his, this is worth the read, but it can also be a great read for young queer individuals perhaps trying to join the industry he’s apart of. It showcases the darker side of it and the trauma it can inflict when keeping people in the closet. What resonated with me about this specific part of his life was how open and accepting he was with his own sexuality until industry people taught him to be ashamed of it, to put it away. In a time when our community is trying so hard to be accepted as we are and to live openly, this message feels powerful and important. A great read, especially during pride month for me!

  28. 4 out of 5

    Gail Giewont

    Plenty of celebrities write their memoirs (or “novels,” or “poems”), but I doubt that most of them rise anywhere near the artistry that Colton Haynes achieves in writing his story. Or maybe I should read more celebrity memoirs. Miss Memory Lane tells the story of a young gay boy who endures abuse, neglect, and instability before pursuing his dream to become an actor and model, which leads to more abuse, neglect, and instability. It is the story of someone who believes that his entire value comes Plenty of celebrities write their memoirs (or “novels,” or “poems”), but I doubt that most of them rise anywhere near the artistry that Colton Haynes achieves in writing his story. Or maybe I should read more celebrity memoirs. Miss Memory Lane tells the story of a young gay boy who endures abuse, neglect, and instability before pursuing his dream to become an actor and model, which leads to more abuse, neglect, and instability. It is the story of someone who believes that his entire value comes from his body, although it is clear throughout the story that he is so much more than the way that he looks. I imagine that this cautionary tale shares many commonalities with stories of other people who have found success (or failure) in Hollywood. However, Haynes’ ability to work with metaphor and concrete significant details throughout the story elevates and personalizes his experiences. This is a story no one else could have told, and his voice is distinct and heartbreaking. If I have any complaint about this book, it is that I wish it were longer. People are mentioned, beautifully evoked, and then vanish. Haynes does well to maintain a tight focus in this series of vignettes, but the end effect, especially in the final section, is of a life that is evanescent—but perhaps that makes sense, since most of that time period dealt with his mental illness and addiction. While a lot of his relationships are clarified within the beautiful acknowledgements (maybe the best acknowledgements I have ever read [I think acknowledgements are not supposed to make us cry]), I wish that I could have read more about these people and their effect on his journey. Perhaps he is working on that. I hope so. If he writes more, I would definitely read it.

  29. 5 out of 5

    knjiški moljac

    This was always the pattern with me—craving attention from older men, then feeling, somehow, like I wasn’t enough, or I had fallen short of their expectations of me. I’d wanted to be seen, but in that moment I wished I were invisible. If you're interested in reading this book, please read the trigger warnings because a lot of touchy subjects are talked about in it! I cannot say I am a fan of Colton Haynes, I've only seen him in Teen Wolf and I've seen his speech when he came out to the whole w This was always the pattern with me—craving attention from older men, then feeling, somehow, like I wasn’t enough, or I had fallen short of their expectations of me. I’d wanted to be seen, but in that moment I wished I were invisible. If you're interested in reading this book, please read the trigger warnings because a lot of touchy subjects are talked about in it! I cannot say I am a fan of Colton Haynes, I've only seen him in Teen Wolf and I've seen his speech when he came out to the whole world. He was almost unknown to me. Just because of his coming out and after accidentally stumbling across this memoir, I've wanted to give it a shot to see what was his life like. It was dreadingly awful. No child should go through what Colton did. He didn't have any support, no one stable or adult enough to care about and raise him (and his siblings). Most adults betrayed him and used him. It is sad that after all that has happened, he still loves his mother and doesn't blame her even though she's the one at fault. She should have been his parent and look after him. Unfortunately, he looked for love in the wrong places. It is fascinating how a famous person who's portraying themselves on social media like a perfect human being who seems to not have any problems, has gone through something so traumatic. Moral of the story, don't judge a book by its cover. Colton, I wish you all the best in the future. I hope you learn to love yourself first before you find someone worthy of your heart :)

  30. 4 out of 5

    Frank

    After watching his shows and public coming outs and then learning he was writing a memoir about his life, I had to run out and get this book. I did not expect to read about any of this much baggage that he went through. Starting with early age trauma and struggles, not seeing that he was a victim with all of these acts, but he just saw it as a way to get by and to get what he wanted. It really makes you take a step back to realize that life doesn’t come easy. I honestly could not put this book do After watching his shows and public coming outs and then learning he was writing a memoir about his life, I had to run out and get this book. I did not expect to read about any of this much baggage that he went through. Starting with early age trauma and struggles, not seeing that he was a victim with all of these acts, but he just saw it as a way to get by and to get what he wanted. It really makes you take a step back to realize that life doesn’t come easy. I honestly could not put this book down. After meeting him the other day to get my book signed, I got to see how Hollywood and his talent agents made him so aware of the things he says, does and acts, almost like you can’t truly be yourself. I’m happy that he got to share his story and let go of all the things he’s held onto. Terrible that he had to go through all these struggles, but I’m happy for him that he was able to pull himself through it all and find a light on the other side.

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